I know I’m smart enough. I know I’m capable enough. But I just made a decision to discontinue (at least for a while) my doctorate degree program. I prayerfully considered the decision and discussed it with my husband. It shook out as the right answer.
I have been under a tremendous amount of stress at work. Suffice it to say, something horrible happened, and I am existing in the aftermath of the unnatural disaster. Dissertation writing is not the most fruitful when you are in survival mode. Failure is not the word I am associating with this decision. Anyone who would say that I should just continue because I am “so close” has not pursued a doctorate degree. It is not simply a degree of higher learning…it is the evidence you produce that you are an expert in the field of blah. I believe it is worth the pursuit, but I am a better contributor to society by focusing on matters at hand and healing from getting hit by the politics bus.
How is this leaning in?? It sounds like I’m giving up, like I just snapped under the pressure. But trust me, I’m leaning in to my adverse winds. I am taking something huge off my plate to turn in and face the road ahead. Even amazing Guinness World Record holders can only pull the rail cars with their teeth for a short distance, and they certainly can’t do it every day, all day! Are you feeling me?
Control the things you can control, and lean in fearlessly against the headwinds of the things you cannot control. When you lean in and the headwinds knock you down, you have so much less distance to fall, less ground to cover when you get back up, and leaning in keeps you moving forward. Once you heal and the winds dissipate, gradually or suddenly, you will have made progress.
I am not failing. I am taking control and making progress. That’s what resilient behavior looks like.
