Month: April 2020

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Sometimes You Just Can’t Win

Sometimes, in spite of all of your amazing feats of resiliency after getting knocked in the dirt, you don’t get to carry home the Comeback Kid trophy. Sometimes, you just can’t win.

I want to be sure to give myself plenty of credit. I have won many days and many battles. I have been knocked in the dirt, kicked when I was down, and spat in the face. I have picked myself up and continued to move forward. I survived, then I thrived. I helped others out of pits. I taught others how to thrive. I brought teams together and helped connect military healthcare with community partners and Veterans Affairs.

I had a good run, and I have no regrets. I am proud of myself and my service. There are some things I am looking forward to once I become a civilian again:

  • Being able to wear colorful fingernail polish
  • Being able to wear my hair in any configuration I want
  • Being able to carry any color backpack
  • Being able to wear any color and style earrings I want
  • Being able to talk politics at work
  • Being able to invite people at work to church
  • Calling people by their first name
  • Saying “yeah” or “okay” in place of “yes, sir/ma’am”
  • Not being on a recall roster, deployment team, or response team
  • Getting to take vacation and go wherever I want and not have to take leave on weekend days
  • No PT test for “job security”
  • Not having to wear a hat outside unless I want to
  • Being able to use one of those clear umbrellas that you can see through so you can keep it low down to you
  • No more “additional duties”

My military career is drawing to a close, but my life is taking off! I am far from finished helping teams do amazing things and teaching people to lead with excellence. I am still writing my book. I have worked as a civilian before, and as I return to civilian life, I bring with me the sum of my experiences. I am a survivor. I am a leader. I will thrive and lift others to higher heights because it matters. I am FAR from finished.

Sometimes, you think you’ve lost when it is not even close to over. Take a deep breath. Keep getting back up when you’re knocked down. Breathe. Accept the moment as is. Breathe. Talk to God and then LISTEN. Breathe. Start to gather yourself and build a game plan. Cry a little (or a lot) if you need to. Another nice, deep, cleansing breath, my friend…and then start to move. Move forward…it’s going to work out. We will win. Winning might not look like we imagined it would, but it will still be amazing!

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Mission Statements

I bet at sometime in your life, perhaps numerous times, you have had to draft a mission statement. In the beginning stages of writing a book, it is a great idea to write a personal mission statement. It helps to focus your attention and puts your “why” into a few sentences that you can refer back to any time you start to lose momentum.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “he looks like a man on a mission!” or “she’s on a mission!”? What does that mean? You are usually talking about someone who is walking somewhere very quickly like they have a sense of purpose…someone who has a sense of urgency, who is laser focused on getting from point A to point B with no detours! This is how we should think about our personal mission statements as we craft them.

Begin your personal mission statement with “I’m on a mission to…”. What you put after that should be everything that you have a sense of urgency and purpose to do in your life. It should be as many words as it takes to describe what you believe you are on this earth to do. What is your contribution to humanity?

Some things that will help you construct your personal mission statement:

What do you value? Beauty, Nature, Faith, Honesty, Respect, Love, Teamwork, Courage, etc…. How do you demonstrate that you value each one?

What are your roles in life? Parent, Spouse, Coach, Teacher, Leader, Mentor, Friend, etc…. Write some “I am” statements for each role explaining how you fulfill each role.

What is one thing you could do that would have the most positive impact in your life?

What kind of person do you want to BE? (compassionate, hard-working, humorous, responsible, etc)

What kinds of things would you like to DO? (learn how to play an instrument, volunteer, graduate college, etc)

What would you like to HAVE during your lifetime? (new house, retirement pension, a boat, etc)

What are some of the greatest moments of happiness and fulfillment?

What activities do you most enjoy and find most fulfilling in your life?

What talents do you have or want to have?

What would you like people to say about you on your 80th birthday? (I know this one sounds strange, but trust me, it also helps to focus your mission statement efforts!)

After you draft your personal mission statement, put it somewhere that will have your attention every day and see if it doesn’t recharge you to keep you on your mission!

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Keep People in the Light

Change is tough. Change is hard enough when it is a change that you know others have been through before. But when it is like this…this thing we are all making up as we go…this thing that makes us lose track of what day or month it is or when was the last time life was “normal”…change is something we don’t even have a word for. I don’t know about you, but it churns my stomach and makes me feel like I have zero control over anything in my life.

I have been watching the news way more than I used to. I’m probably watching it more than I should. All they show is about COVID19 because it is the center of everyone’s existence right now. This isn’t like anything we have ever experienced as a world society. No one really has answers because we are all trying to figure things out (and making a lot of things up) as we go along.

Perceptions are so evil! They eat away at our imaginations and fill in the gaps between the facts. The greater the distance between facts, the more perceptions can be fabricated and woven throughout the gaps. As a leader who has introverted tendencies, it can be exhausting to be consistently keeping up with information and making sure I pass it along to my team. But what fuels my motivation and energy to make sure I keep people in the light about everything I know as soon as I know it is how much I care about these individuals! That care for their well-being and their livelihood and human value overrides any of my selfish tendencies to close myself off.

I’m not going to lie, some aspects of having to telework are dreamy for introverts. So when I had to begin teleworking a few days ago, I was initially relieved to be able to stay home while I worked. But it didn’t take long before I realized how difficult it was going to be to communicate with my team. I have now become the person left a little in the dark. I am learning very quickly that we all have the ability to shine a little light on information for each other…and we should.

We are living in unprecedented times. Let’s do everything we can to keep each other enlightened to as much truth as possible during this time of uncertainty and keep perceptions from weaving too much of their tapestry into our minds. On the other side of these days, my hope is that we come back together and compare notes…and find out they are pretty darn close.