To be perfectly honest, I have never really felt ultra feminine. I don’t wear much make-up, never wear dresses, don’t even own heels, and feel like I am suffocating if my nails get too long. I prefer having long hair, but only because I can put it in a ponytail and forget about it. I used to have pierced ears, but they closed up from lack of use. I only wear a watch because it is functional. The only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring. Three babies have incubated in this body, and I am completely satisfied with that.
So, when I was faced with the decision to tear down the baby factory due to some faulty interior structure issues, I wasn’t exactly devastated. I was ready to feel better. I underwent a hysterectomy the day before Thanksgiving. I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital. The nursing staff who worked on Thanksgiving day and took care of me and the other ladies on the OB/GYN floor were truly angelic. I will be sending them thank you cards to try to express how much their care meant to me. The doctor filling in doing rounds for my surgeon was quite a bit less angelic having to work on Thanksgiving. My only question for him is, “who do you think wanted to leave the hospital worse than the other, doctor, or patient?”
I am now on house arrest in my recovery nest. It is much better than being stuck in the hospital, for sure. I did the dishes today… big mistake. But it was a mistake I had to make in order to actually appreciate the advice I was given to “take it easy”.
Although I have never been ultra feminine, I am still a woman. And, no matter how many female parts they ever end up removing, I will always be a woman. I am not concerned about feeling less. My concern is much more centered on my return to humanity. I want to be a runner again, an Airman again, a domestic goddess again, a vehicle for whatever God chooses.
No matter what I end up with or without in this physical body at the end of its journey through life, my spirit is whole, intact, complete, and redeemed. I am my spirit and I have a body. I am more than a woman, I am a child of the One True King.