I recently had to take a PT test. I have taken a million of them. Every time I go to bed the night before, I toss and turn. I have heart palpitations all morning as I am getting ready to go to the test, and I have to pee like 4 times before the test actually begins. I always pass. It may not always be pretty or top ten, but it’s always a pass…except this time. This time, I failed.
When you fail, there are no smiles…no confetti flies…there are no shouts of victory. It’s like you were sitting in a theatre watching an action/adventure movie and suddenly, all of the lights go out, the screen goes black, and you’re sitting alone in the darkness, and all you can think is, “now what?”
Before the test, everyone told me, “You got this!” And no, I didn’t. I did not prepare. I just hoped for a miracle, I suppose. Yes, I’m not getting any younger. My metabolism is slower than molasses, every joint hurts, and I’m broken (bulging discs, brittle bones, nerve damage). Yeah, I’m full of excuses.
You might be surprised to know that I am not ashamed. I am not hiding away, shutting myself up in my office like a troll. I owned my failure. I announced to everyone in my flight that I did not pass my PT test. I told them because I want them to see resiliency in action. I told them because I want them to hold me accountable to pass my retest. When I told them, I talked about how we all have been in situations with unplanned or unexpected outcomes that knock us down. Resiliency is when we use what we are made of to move beyond the circumstances.
I’m still going to dry heave before every PT test…probably even more just before this upcoming retest. I’m still getting older by the minute, and I’m still broken. Blah, blah, blah, cry me a river, right? But I am also resilient. I bounce back. I told my son if I lose 30 pounds by my birthday in September, he is to buy me a megaphone. I will then use said megaphone at squadron PT to “inspire” young Airmen to get moving. So far, I have lost 5 pounds.
I got this! 🙂
