What do you want your kids to be like when they grow up? Do you have visions of greatness dancing in your head, do you simply want them to be a “decent human being”, or do you want something in between?
When your kids are first born, the sky is the limit. The canvas is freshly primered…blank and ready for a work of art to begin to take shape. As they age, the image of their life begins to come into focus. Most parents think (at least for the first decade or so) that they are the ones holding the paintbrush. Those who think they are holding the paintbrush beyond the first 10 years, perhaps well into their child’s 20s, are often disappointed when the picture does not look like what they envisioned for their own “take two” attempt on life…aka “I-need-this-human-to-not-make-the-mistakes-I-made-and-accomplish-all-of-the-things-I-failed-to-do-in-my-life”.
The fact of the matter is at NO point is a parent holding the paintbrush! God Almighty is the ultimate craftsman and artisan. He “knit us together in our mother’s womb”, painted the sky and bedazzled it with stars, and stuffed us with the capacity to love and with free will. So, as parents, we can want great things for our children, but it is not really in our control what that painting on their canvas looks like.
I kind of laugh when I consider the phrase “decent human being”, because it is such an unqualified term. For most of modern society, it has come to define a person who does not perform criminal acts. Some may also add the performance of a few kind acts, like smiling a lot, holding doors, saying “please” and “thank you”, and the occasional charitable donation…all things that are external and visible to others. Never mind a person’s insecurities, struggles with emotions and unforgiveness, secret thoughts of hatred toward another human, or closet obsessions and bad habits…the things that if people knew about, they might not think of someone as a “decent human being”.
That’s not to say that parents don’t have a key role in providing an environment of love and nurturing and demonstrating to their children through their example how to treat others and manage the challenges that come their way.
But sometimes, in spite of everything parents think they are doing right, their children fall short of what they envisioned. Sometimes their children decide to forge an emotional path that takes them far away from their parents. This is when parents must lean on God’s promise that if they raise their children up in the way of the Lord, “when they are old, they will not depart from it.”
We were having a family discussion this evening that stemmed from a bad habit my children have developed in being overly critical of each other and saying hateful things to each other. I expressed to them that our responsibility as parents is to set an example of how to treat each other and provide an environment in our family to communicate clearly so that we can work to resolve the real issues…not deflect or build up walls. I’m not the most sensitive, nurturing parent on the planet, but I do love my kids and want what’s best for them. I want to set them up for success, knowing it is up to them to determine their version of success and whether they achieve it.
I just hope they all understand what we are trying to do for them while we have them with us.