Month: October 2013

I am in the US military.  Although I am not completely “ate up” about my uniform, I pride myself in being “clean, dry, and serviceable”.  I press it to keep the collar tamed and the pocket corners from curling up.  But I wonder about some of my colleagues.  Do they even own an iron?  Or a mirror, for that matter? 
An iron…a simple contraption, but it sure packs a punch!  Everyone who has ever wielded one has been “bitten” by its hot temper at least once.  The concept is very basic, yet very successful: the application of heat and pressure flattens surfaces and sharpens edges.  This is not a very precise equation, but both components, heat and pressure, are required in some form or fashion.
If the iron is not hot enough, it is completely ineffective.  You might as well be sliding a book or a block of iron ore across the fabric.  If the iron is not weighty enough, or not enough pressure is applied to the fabric, the heat will just wrinkle the fabric and actually make it worse.
As we have all felt the sting of a hot iron on our skin, we know that applying an iron to an unintended surface can cause damage…sometimes serious damage.  Have you ever tried to iron silk with an iron on high and ended up melting it on to the iron?  Yeah, that’s a bad day. 
Think about the people you work with, your children, yourself…
It takes the right combination of heat and pressure to be adequately effective…not overdone or underdone…but just right.  You must know the “material” you are working with to know the right amount of heat and pressure.
I hope that everyone owns an iron and takes the time to learn how to apply it properly.

I read a statement recently that said that we should learn to appreciate people’s strengths AND weaknesses.  I spent a lot of time thinking about that one.  Appreciating strengths, sure, no problem!  What do people bring to the table?  What positive things do people have to contribute to the team?  When the chips are down, what quality does an individual have that enables them to rise up from the ashes and keep moving forward? 

We view strengths as assets…positive things.  They are the best of what anyone has to pitch in to the survival soup to keep us healthy.  They are desirable traits that draw others to the individuals who possess them.  I have evolved during the course of my adult life to learn to find these positive traits in others…sometimes in an effort to improve my tolerance of some individuals since I can see strengths as “redeeming qualities”.  (You know the type of people I am referring to!)  I am 40 years old, and I honestly did not believe I could read a statement that would throw me on my ear quite like this one did.  I can’t put a big enough question mark on this inquiry:  How in the world do you appreciate someone’s weaknesses??

I think I worked my way back in this discovery chain far enough to ask myself, “what are MY weaknesses?”  I am confident enough in my strengths that I will tell you my top 3.  1. Although I don’t like drama, I often wear my heart on my sleeve and react emotionally, and that emotion, usually anger, causes me to say or do things I regret later.  2. I have moderate OCD…I will ask others to help out and do something but if they don’t jump on it within seconds of my request, I have to do it myself…I can’t stand clutter or trash and I throw things away almost immediately.  Kind of the opposite of a hoarder.  3. I struggle with my weight and the psychological damage of never living up to my own standards.

Okay, now that’s out there, what could anyone possibly appreciate about that? 

I’m a big picture person.  I deal with the details, knowing they are essential to the big picture, but I don’t really like them.  What’s the big picture here?  Don’t just consider appreciating strengths and then move over to appreciate weaknesses.  The lesson here is that people are a sum total of their strengths and weaknesses.  These traits often bleed into each other and can sometimes even take on each other’s form in different situations.  That’s the point.  I think the idea is to appreciate the whole person, warts and all. 

There’s a movie called “Fred 3: Camp Fred”.  A teenage boy goes to Camp Iwannapeepee and everyone there is a social outcast, the camp is sub-standard, and it looks like they have no chance of winning the camp competition with Camp Superior.  Instead of claiming defeat, Fred comes up with this concept, “We’re the best at being the worst!”  They go on to demonstrate that they actually have some talents that the kids at Camp Superior lack and end up winning the camp competition.  In the end, Fred still tells his mom that it was the worst camp ever, but he had fun.  Note: I wouldn’t recommend watching it…and if I didn’t tell you this, you would really be mad at me if you did actually attempt to watch it! (Fair warning!)

The movie outline to say this: we can all learn to appreciate weaknesses by understanding that they are a part of each of us, just like the strengths.  The weaknesses that you appreciate are interwoven with the strengths that represent those “redeeming qualities” that keep an individual palatable. 

There are primarily two schools of thought when it comes to people who set terrible examples of how to behave.  There’s the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” philosophy and there’s the “I don’t want to be anything like those bad examples” philosophy. 

The “no-beat-’em-join-’em’s” gave up at some point.  Maybe they started out trying to go against the flow and lost momentum.  Maybe they never had any fight in them to begin with.  They resolve themselves to being victims of every situation they ever find themselves in.  As such, they assign zero responsibility to themselves for any adverse outcome.  They are emotional vampires…a hot spear to every life raft that floats their way.  They groan in their helplessness and despair, yet do not truly want help.  Their circumstances are Mt Everests, and they are desperately clinging to life on the cold rock face with no protective gear. 

The “flow-fighters” can be victims as well, make no mistake about that.  But, however painful it may be, they will assume at least some of the responsibility for their condition.  This is absolutely vital to making their way through things instead of just letting life’s downturns slowly drown them, one wave at a time.  Flow-fighters can sometimes head into circumstances ill-prepared, much like the no-beat-’em-join-’em’s, but as soon as they recognize their lack of resources, they will reach out to those who can help.  The flow-fighters understand there is no shame in asking for help and no shame in actually taking advantage of the help provided.  Their circumstances are viewed as a section of road on a long highway. 

Big or small, we have all been through some amazingly tough circumstances…maybe still.  Some might say that resolving oneself to playing the victim would be the easier route to take.  I passionately disagree.  Practice humility in your circumstances.  Take the opportunity to learn something.  Take the opportunity to grow…in your faith…in your understanding of humanity…in what you can actually endure…in your capacity to take your circumstances to help others with theirs.  Some might read this who know me and laugh, thinking that I often fall painfully short of the flow-fighter ideal.  Yes, I do, quite often.  Nevertheless, it is the template of behavior I strive to emulate, and that is the best any of us can hope to accomplish.