How Are You??

How are you? How are you doing? How are things? How’s it going? 

There are many ways I’ve been asked about the condition of my being. It is the single most awkward question I can think to be asked, especially in passing. I would like to share with you my take on a few popular responses to this uncomfortable and unnerving question.

1. “I’m fine.” Or “I’m fine. How are you?” Or “Good.”

This is really a meaningless response.  It is a way to respond where the voice is heard responding.  Turning the phase on the originator, especially in passing, is ample deflection.

2. “As good as can be expected.”

Translation: I have a boatload of problems, and I’m barely hanging on, but I want to provide a pleasant-sounding response.  I do not want to be questioned about the details of my suffering.

3. “I can’t complain.”

Someone responding as such likely has every right to complain.  What has them so twisted that they feel the need to overcompensate with a proclamation categorically opposed to complaining?

4. “If you only knew!” Or “I’ve been better.” Or “Not so great.”

Such responses are uttered in an attempt to coerce someone to open themselves up to hearing all about it. This is a disaster that the asker walked headlong into.  Good luck to them.

For me, being asked how I am is as awkward as someone thanking me for my service.  I really don’t know how to respond to either one.  Just so you know, I am not asking you to provide me with advice about it.  I will not ask anyone how they are doing unless I have plenty of time to actually find out how someone is doing.  To me, it’s a conversation starter and not a phrase to be said in passing.

In passing, I say things like, “Hi”, “Hello”, “Good Morning/Afternoon”, “Good to see you!”.  I acknowledge a fellow human and greet them kindly…a perfectly appropriate way to exchange words when you only have a moment to get something out there.  Before Covid, I would sometimes smile at someone instead of saying words.  Since I still must wear a mask at work, I have mastered the “eye smile”.  

So, if you see me on the approach, provide us both with a pleasant passing and just say hello!

P.S. I had no idea when I wrote this that it resembles an alternative to this blogger’s take on the subject! 

English Basics: How to answer “How are you?” correctly

I hope you find the contrast as entertaining as I did!