Out of Control

I have put away the Christmas decorations, cleaned up all of the trash and boxes, rearranged the furniture, and straightened up so many things in the house. I now look around and feel so free and at peace. When everything is purged and then organized, it makes me feel amazing.

I cling to this feeling so tightly because it is one of the only things I have control over in my life. The world around us is totally cray cray, and it infiltrates my personal space and some crevices of my mind through television, social media, the internet and my in-person interactions with others. I sometimes want to live in a bubble and try to protect myself from the influences out there, but I know that is no way to live life. I am an introvert, and at first, those lockdowns were things of dreams for me…but even an introvert must have human interaction to thrive.

I am an only child and did not experience the world of siblings. I did not experience the companionship of brothers or sisters growing up. No sibling rivalry, no multi-player games, no shared toys or bedrooms, no sibling scheming. Then I grew up and had three kids. The oldest was an only child himself for several years until his siblings came along. The two youngest are. now teenagers. I have thought about how exciting it was for them to get out of diapers and eventually get to the point where my husband and I could go out on a date without the kids and just leave them at home to fend for themselves. What a glorious time!

But teenagers. It is the most gut wrenching time in parents’ lives. If you survive it, you deserve a medal. As they grow up in their teenage years, you have less and less influence on them and zero control over the outside influences that crowd their hearts. You can have the most amazing and God-inspired wisdom to impart on them, but because of the source of said wisdom (you), it goes through so many filters in their brains that virtually none of it sticks. Changing diapers, feeding, and playing simple games with a young child is so much more manageable. As long as you know the words to the songs that are sung on the latest children’s program, you are their hero. You are their world, just as they are yours.

Then teenagers. They are developing adults. They are beginning to establish their opinions, habits, and determining what their values are…sometimes different than the values you have tried to instill in them. They can be obstinate and confrontational. One minute, they can be loving and generous, and the next they can be hateful and cruel. There’s pimples and body odor, slothfulness and laziness, sexual development, curiosity and temptations. Just like adults, they must make choices every day that can impact their future. Dealing with a teenager (and multiple teenagers at one time) is like flying a plane when you are not a pilot. There are so many controls and gauges, and you may think you are familiar with a lot of the controls because you used to be a teenager yourself, but you have no. idea. what. you’re. dealing. with. You are NOT the pilot anymore. You are now the flight attendant.

Your teenagers are flying this plane, and they were handed the controls (by you), and they are as clueless as you are about how to navigate through their teenage years. You are there to make sure they are as comfortable as possible as they attempt to navigate life. Your control amounts to advising them to wear a seatbelt , offering them food, and reminding them what time it is.

Of course, you love your kids. I absolutely adore my kids. That’s why the transition into more of a spectator role in their lives is so gut wrenching. They have to fall on their face sometimes to learn a valuable lesson, and you have to sit and watch it happen. They will make mistakes and choose poorly, and you will have to help them get back on the right path. You have to be an example of tolerance, forgiveness, faith, and hope.

But you are never in control. One day, they become adults and have a family of their own. It is then that you get to come to the realization that a lot of the wisdom you imparted was just laying dormant for a short time and it wasn’t filtered out. That should give you great peace and joy. But until then, it is a struggle, and I stand with you.