Two Sides of the Same Coin
Kindness Matters
When I was a little girl, my favorite super hero was Wonder Woman (the Linda Carter version). I had long, dark hair like hers and just knew I could become Wonder Woman if I twirled fast enough…once I was allowed to wear a strapless outfit. I think what appealed to me most about her was how she only fought when it was absolutely necessary and her super powers were not aggressive in nature. I consider myself to be a Wonder Woman today. I often wonder where I put something or what meeting I’m supposed to be at.
What traits lead to good leadership? What are the super powers of leaders? When asked this question, people might say “strength” or “grit” or “toughness” or “determination”. What about “kindness”? Kindness doesn’t usually make the list. Kindness is more often associated with weakness or softness. I want to submit to you today that kindness IS an element of strong leadership, and intentional kindness is an element of even stronger leadership.
Kindness is being friendly, generous, or considerate without the expectation of receiving something in return. It demonstrates that you care about your fellow human. INTENTIONAL kindness demonstrates not only that you are seeing to it that someone is cared for, but that you genuinely care ABOUT them (their well-being, their success, their value).
Mark Twain said, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Kindness helps people to feel visible. Kindness is calming and healing. It has been scientifically proven to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, increase self-esteem, improve mood…for both the giver AND the recipient!
Kindness invites TRUST. This is a priceless relational element for a leader to create synergy with their team. Kindness affords a leader the ability to keep the communication doors open so both leader and follower can gain understanding and exercise empathy as kindness inspires kindness.
It’s not just a tag line: Kindness really does matter. It is significant, and a leader should be committed to intentional acts of kindness.
How Are You??
How are you? How are you doing? How are things? How’s it going?
There are many ways I’ve been asked about the condition of my being. It is the single most awkward question I can think to be asked, especially in passing. I would like to share with you my take on a few popular responses to this uncomfortable and unnerving question.
1. “I’m fine.” Or “I’m fine. How are you?” Or “Good.”
This is really a meaningless response. It is a way to respond where the voice is heard responding. Turning the phase on the originator, especially in passing, is ample deflection.
2. “As good as can be expected.”
Translation: I have a boatload of problems, and I’m barely hanging on, but I want to provide a pleasant-sounding response. I do not want to be questioned about the details of my suffering.
3. “I can’t complain.”
Someone responding as such likely has every right to complain. What has them so twisted that they feel the need to overcompensate with a proclamation categorically opposed to complaining?
4. “If you only knew!” Or “I’ve been better.” Or “Not so great.”
Such responses are uttered in an attempt to coerce someone to open themselves up to hearing all about it. This is a disaster that the asker walked headlong into. Good luck to them.
For me, being asked how I am is as awkward as someone thanking me for my service. I really don’t know how to respond to either one. Just so you know, I am not asking you to provide me with advice about it. I will not ask anyone how they are doing unless I have plenty of time to actually find out how someone is doing. To me, it’s a conversation starter and not a phrase to be said in passing.
In passing, I say things like, “Hi”, “Hello”, “Good Morning/Afternoon”, “Good to see you!”. I acknowledge a fellow human and greet them kindly…a perfectly appropriate way to exchange words when you only have a moment to get something out there. Before Covid, I would sometimes smile at someone instead of saying words. Since I still must wear a mask at work, I have mastered the “eye smile”.
So, if you see me on the approach, provide us both with a pleasant passing and just say hello!
P.S. I had no idea when I wrote this that it resembles an alternative to this blogger’s take on the subject!
I hope you find the contrast as entertaining as I did!
Self Care Step 11: Stay Away from Drama and Negativity
I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy abusing my brain completing my doctoral degree. (I’ve got all kinds of things to say about that, but I’ll save it for another time.)
Step 11 of self care is “stay away from drama and negativity”. Here is a short list of things that make it really difficult to remain in the “drama-free” zone:
—coworkers who feel threatened by you
—petty coworkers
—bosses who are younger than you (old enough to be your kids)
—people who demonstrate their inability to drive a vehicle
—teenagers…yours or anyone else’s
—when you can’t find something you desperately need at the store
—when plans fall through
—when someone or something manages to find your last nerve and plays it like a banjo
The older I get, the more things annoy me. And yet, ironically, the older I get, the more I learn to let a lot of things roll off my back and not affect me. Where I get in the most trouble with avoiding drama and negativity is in that pocket of space we affectionately call the “grey area”. I have two teenagers at home. It’s laughable to think I can totally avoid drama! I could probably purchase a new car if I had a nickel for every time we told them to quit arguing. If you think I am about to impart any wisdom on you about avoiding teenage sibling drama, I’ve got nothing for you…you can head back to camp.
One thing I can tell you is that in the interest of self care, if you cannot steer clear of drama and negativity, you can still navigate it with poise. Try these:
—Refrain from contributing. Ensure you aren’t investing in the drama.
—Trump the drama with an amazing announcement. With all of the enthusiasm you can muster, announce some exciting news. Even if you don’t have truly exciting news, announce something…anything…as if it were super exciting. “Hey, guess what? We are having spaghetti tonight! Can you believe it?!”
—For a few moments, take a mental vacation from the moment. Go somewhere comfy and beautiful. When you come back to reality, be mindful of how the drama and negativity only have the value and impact you assign to them.
—Don’t dwell on the drama and negativity…ever. It only festers the infection and makes it more difficult to let it go.
—Physically remove yourself from the drama, if you can. Trust your instincts on this.
—Inject some victory juice into the situation and replace the negativity with some positivity.
If you are the source of the drama and/or negativity, cut it out! If you are a part of the problem (or the entire problem), conceive of how you can be a part of the solution! It may be as simple as getting over it. Once you set yourself right, make your amends and be sure to forgive yourself, too. Life is far too short to allow it to be overtaken by emotional vampires!
Self Care: Be Kind to Yourself
