Self Care Step 5: Never Speak Badly About Yourself

“Stupid!” How many times have you whispered (or shouted) that to yourself in disgust over a boneheaded thing you just did?  I confess, I have berated myself many more times than I care to admit.  Sometimes, I have done something so dumb, I come back and beat myself up all over again well after the incident has occurred just by reliving it in my mind.  Sometimes it feels like we are so cheated to not be able to go to the past and fix things that we screwed up.  In fact, we can’t go to the future to see if how the choices we made in the past need to be fixed.  We’re just stuck right here in the razor-thin in-between called the “present”, and it’s the only time we can actually make choices on what we do.

There is a difference between acknowledging our wrongs and poor decisions and lambasting ourselves over our actions.  It’s the difference between self-care and self-deprecation.  Because we can’t go back and change things we have done in the past, the next best thing is to acknowledge mistakes and make choices in the present with the hope of a better future.  

After recently separating from the military, I was so elated about not having any more fitness tests.  Running had become so incredibly painful, both during and after, that I was all too anxious to quit doing it.  Since then, I have put on an extra 30 pounds.  Once I had to buy all new clothes in a bigger size, I became so angry with myself.  With every purchase I made, I would internally lecture myself about how I wouldn’t have to be spending so much money if I wasn’t such a fatty.  When the double chin grew in, I decided that no one was allowed to say anything nice about how I looked, so if someone told me I looked nice or they liked my hair, I would deflect by drawing attention to the things about me that I knew weren’t looking nice.  

Random person: “I like your outfit today!”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t have even had to buy these pants had I not blown up after getting out of the military! Thank goodness I’m not still in, or I wouldn’t fit into my uniform!”

Random person: “You grey hair is so cool!  I love it!”

Me: “I started turning grey in my early 20’s but fought it until recently.  Now I’m giving in to looking like an old lady.  I’m surprised my kids don’t call me grandma!”

For those who don’t know, the appropriate response to both of these compliments is “thank you”.  (You may also return the compliment if you recognize something you admire!)

Another one I’m guilty of is downplaying my accomplishments.  Again, there is a difference between humility and self-disapproval.  When I am tempted to do this, I need to remember my purpose on this earth is not to make a name for myself but to do everything as for the Lord (Col 3:23).  So, when I am recognized for doing something positive, I really want to give glory to God.  

Remember in the movie, Demolition Man, when the Compu-Chat tells Wesley Snipes, “You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy joy feelings in all those around you!”?  Yes, it sounded very silly, but I’m going to be brave enough to tell you that you should talk yourself up (to yourself) kind of like this!  The bottom line: you have incredible value, no matter who you are.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made! (Ps 139:14) We all make mistakes from time to time…we all experience setbacks and tragedies in life.  We need to remember that those dark times in our lives builds our testimony as God uses your experiences to draw you closer to Him or to enable you to relate to another person to offer them grace and love. Self-care by speaking positivity to yourself and making positive statements about yourself won’t change the past, but it will put you in a better mindset to make a better future.  Just give it a try!