Category: Personal

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Why Do Cars Have Headlights?

Have you ever asked the question, “why do cars have headlights?”  Of course you haven’t, because the answer is intuitive.  But take a moment to ponder that question now.

There are really two basic answers, and they both have to do with FOCUS.

1. A car has headlights to allow you to see where you are driving in the dark.  Just because it is dark out does not mean you can’t navigate the twists and turns of a road or avoid obstacles.  Headlights enable you to focus on where you are going.

2. Headlights on other cars enable you to see other people on the road and avoid their becoming an obstacle for you.  Have you ever driven in the fog?  I have, and being able to follow behind someone with their lights on gave me a comforting feeling, like this stranger suddenly became my best friend, and we were in it together!

FOCUS in our lives rarely comes naturally to us…squirrel!  Trust me, I get it.  The most gifted procrastinators (certain that I am one) must work very hard to gain and maintain focus.  Think about this: How many times have you had to “start over” with something you have been working on (like weight loss, writing a paper, telling a story, working a project)?  How many times have you experienced success in the past by maintaining focus on your goal to achieve it?  Okay…now set all that aside!  No, seriously!  You have to stop looking back at past failures AND successes. Focus on the present.  Concentrate your attention on the road ahead.  Now.  What road are you on and where are you going?  It doesn’t matter how bright your headlights are if you are driving down the road looking out the back window!!

So buckle up, eyes front, and headlights on!

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Lean In

I know I’m smart enough.  I know I’m capable enough.  But I just made a decision to discontinue (at least for a while) my doctorate degree program.  I prayerfully considered the decision and discussed it with my husband.  It shook out as the right answer.

I have been under a tremendous amount of stress at work.  Suffice it to say, something horrible happened, and I am existing in the aftermath of the unnatural disaster.  Dissertation writing is not the most fruitful when you are in survival mode.  Failure is not the word I am associating with this decision.  Anyone who would say that I should just continue because I am “so close” has not pursued a doctorate degree.  It is not simply a degree of higher learning…it is the evidence you produce that you are an expert in the field of blah.  I believe it is worth the pursuit, but I am a better contributor to society by focusing on matters at hand and healing from getting hit by the politics bus.

How is this leaning in??  It sounds like I’m giving up, like I just snapped under the pressure.  But trust me, I’m leaning in to my adverse winds.  I am taking something huge off my plate to turn in and face the road ahead.  Even amazing Guinness World Record holders can only pull the rail cars with their teeth for a short distance, and they certainly can’t do it every day, all day!  Are you feeling me?

Control the things you can control, and lean in fearlessly against the headwinds of the things you cannot control.  When you lean in and the headwinds knock you down, you have so much less distance to fall, less ground to cover when you get back up, and leaning in keeps you moving forward.  Once you heal and the winds dissipate, gradually or suddenly, you will have made progress. 

I am not failing.  I am taking control and making progress.  That’s what resilient behavior looks like.

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Wooden Plaques

There have been times when it all gets to be too much…work, school, family, the house, health, and all of those little rocks that weave themselves in between all of that.  Recently, I had one of those times of over saturation.

I had just walked into my office and was standing there in front of my desk.  Everything that had piled itself on me was suddenly and mysteriously muted by the hum of my tower fan.  My feet felt like they were stuck to the floor.  I took a deep breath as I looked around the room.  All of those inanimate objects just sitting there, quietly and peacefully living out their purpose.  I never thought I could be jealous of a wooden plaque.

As much as I wanted to spend a significant amount of time as a statue in the middle of my office instead of a human being, I snapped out of it and carried on.  I spent the weekend working on the beginnings of a new approach…at least to the work and health rocks.  Making a few small, but significant changes has proven to make things more manageable.

I am working it out, bravely serving a greater purpose than an inanimate object on a shelf.  I don’t have to be jealous of wooden plaques, but I can borrow a page from their playbook and stop, turn down the volume of the chaos, and just be for a little while.

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I Love You…Now Go Away

This morning, a coworker poked their head into my office about three minutes after I had walked in, turned my light on, and put my hat up on the shelf, and shrugged off my backpack.  He cheerfully announced, “Good morning to you!” Ugh.  I cannot politely explain what immediately went through my mind.  Suffice it to say, there were unpleasant words and a borderline violent response locked away up inside my brain.  The turmoil flowing through my incarcerated mind reached a toxic danger level when my facial expression prompted the “case of the Mondays” comment.

I am spoiled to have a short commute to work, or some may think.  It is about 10 to 15 minutes.  However, it is barely enough time to get ready for the onslaught of cheer when I walk in the office. It’s not that I am not a morning person.  It’s not that I am anti-social.  And honestly, I think people who are around me all day would consider me to be generally quite pleasant.  I am an introvert.  I recharge in those coveted moments of solitude. 

This world is run by extroverts.  They step out in front, steeling their wool by engaging in social interactions.  Their batteries are hooked up to an alternator.  The more they exert energy in social settings, the more energized they become.  This is why they run the world…renewable energy. 

The world is managed by introverts.  We clear the paths for the extroverts and tidy up afterward.  We ensure the foundations are solid and the sound system works.  We gently influence the conversation with our subtle, yet confident and compassionate input. After doing our part, we require solitude to recharge and prepare for the next big thing.

In spite of my response to by bubbly coworker, I am not a hateful troll.  I am simply one who draws strength from the quiet, uninterrupted moments where I find clarity, focus, and can plan greatness for my extrovert friends to run with.

Next month, I will be driving a few hundred miles to attend training.  Armed with my GPS, pillow from home, and satellite radio, I am looking forward to those hours of recharging…and the epic concert that I have an exclusive on-stage pass to in my vehicle.

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More Than a Woman

To be perfectly honest, I have never really felt ultra feminine.  I don’t wear much make-up, never wear dresses, don’t even own heels, and feel like I am suffocating if my nails get too long.  I prefer having long hair, but only because I can put it in a ponytail and forget about it.  I used to have pierced ears, but they closed up from lack of use.  I only wear a watch because it is functional.  The only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring.  Three babies have incubated in this body, and I am completely satisfied with that.

So, when I was faced with the decision to tear down the baby factory due to some faulty interior structure issues, I wasn’t exactly devastated.  I was ready to feel better.  I underwent a hysterectomy the day before Thanksgiving.  I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital.  The nursing staff who worked on Thanksgiving day and took care of me and the other ladies on the OB/GYN floor were truly angelic.  I will be sending them thank you cards to try to express how much their care meant to me.  The doctor filling in doing rounds for my surgeon was quite a bit less angelic having to work on Thanksgiving.  My only question for him is, “who do you think wanted to leave the hospital worse than the other, doctor, or patient?” 

I am now on house arrest in my recovery nest.  It is much better than being stuck in the hospital, for sure.  I did the dishes today… big mistake.  But it was a mistake I had to make in order to actually appreciate the advice I was given to “take it easy”. 

Although I have never been ultra feminine, I am still a woman.  And, no matter how many female parts they ever end up removing, I will always be a woman.  I am not concerned about feeling less.  My concern is much more centered on my return to humanity.  I want to be a runner again, an Airman again, a domestic goddess again, a vehicle for whatever God chooses. 

No matter what I end up with or without in this physical body at the end of its journey through life, my spirit is whole, intact, complete, and redeemed.  I am my spirit and I have a body.  I am more than a woman, I am a child of the One True King.