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Opportunity Looks Like Work

In September 2016, I stepped on the scale.  After about the third time, I actually looked at what it said.  178 pounds.  I’m only 5’2″, and the last time I carried a human being in my body was almost 9 years ago.  I have a job that requires a decent level of physical fitness.  I guess I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten because I stopped looking at myself in the mirror at some point. 

Being overweight in the military is the equivalent of having leprosy…No one wants to associate with you because it doesn’t matter how nice, how smart, or how amazing you are at doing your job…you are damaged.  You cannot be an outstanding military member, all else being absolutely stellar when you are overweight and struggle with physical fitness.  (And anyone who argues with me on this point has probably not been overweight in the military.)  Countless military members are provided their walking papers because of physical fitness/weight related issues.  And on the other side of the coin, physically fit military members who are less capable of doing their jobs get to stay.  I’m not saying that all military members are either fit and dumb or fat and smart, nope, not selling that line at all, so keep your panties unbunched!

Back to my story.  I purchased this book called, “Lose it now, lose it forever”.  There was nothing particularly revolutionary within the pages of this book, but it was the right thing to finally flip a switch in my brain.  First of all, I figured out that I had actually been lying to myself that I was doing everything I could to try to lose weight.  I made some serious changes in my food intake, both what I ate and how much.  Second, I stepped up my exercise…seriously stepped it up.  EVERYTHING that keeps you from moving is an excuse.  I walked on a video game controller and tore my plantar fascia…that put me back a few days, but since I couldn’t run, I walked…got on the elliptical…did squats, crunches, anything…arm circles, for crying out loud!  Whenever I finish my workout, I always shout out, “Good job, Mama, good job!”  For some reason, it gives me a mental boost. 

I have lost 25 pounds so far since mid-September, and I’m about halfway to my goal weight.  It has been and will continue to be work.  It has been and will continue to be sacrifice.  I am committing myself to take advantage of this opportunity to be who I want to be.  I have been the only one in my way.  I have said things like, “Well, I can lose some weight, but I’m never going to have 6-pack abs…I love to run, but I’m not built for running, so I won’t ever be very fast…I can do better on my PT test, but I’ll probably never score over 90…”  To myself, I now say, “Just watch me.”

  

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Never Wanted to See This Person Again

There was a lady I knew a while back.  We weren’t really friends, per se, but we knew each other very well.  We parted ways this past February, and I was really relived.  She was a real drag…a boat anchor around my neck…uninspired, lacking confidence, and kind of miserable.  We had the same name.  In fact, we were the same person. 

I started running on a regular basis at about that time in my life.  Three short months later, that lady was already becoming a distant memory.  In May, I met this new lady, also sharing my name.  She was energized, determined, and was dangerously close to needing a new wardrobe to fit her smaller frame.  We hung out every day, logging in miles on the track from February to July.  Then she left me.

I don’t know what happened.  I didn’t even get a text, a note, a phone call, or even a talk through the mirror.  I got so sad.  Food comforted me.  Fistfuls of chips, a couple mini donuts, frozen custard, pizza, and even the healthy stuff in excessive amounts…was so comforting as I kept telling myself, “It’s only a little here…”, “It’s only a little there…”.  The sinking feeling I had and the guilt I was crushed under was hardly for the comfort.  Then the weight came back…

That lady I knew back before February is back in my life, haunting me day and night.  She is horrible to have around.  Such a drag.

I am still running lots of 5k’s and will run the half marathon early October, but I don’t feel healthy like I used to. 

Something I realized recently, thanks to the Holy Spirit, was that I realized the one thing I have never truly given to the Lord in prayer is my physical health and fitness.  It was like I thought that was the only thing that I had to do myself.  (What a silly deduction!) 

Today, I am giving the Lord my physical well-being.  Why would it not be obvious to me that I could not lose the weight and keep it off without God’s help?  Why would I ever believe I did not need faith to succeed in this area of my life? 

Today, I commit to do this thing as unto the Lord.  He asks that we do EVERYTHING as unto Him.  I suppose if I were Capt Obvious and not Capt Bird, I would have deduced that that meant my physical fitness as well. 

Join me, because I really can’t do this alone, and I will not succeed without being lifted up in prayer.  If you are going through something similar, I would love to join with you for motivation and encouragement.  I am so ready!  Are you?

Here is my plan:
Weigh-in: Fridays at 8pm
Weigh loss goal: -30 pounds
15 Weeks/December 31, 2015 checkpoint
Breakfast and lunch: Herbalife shakes, healthy snacks, 80oz of water per day

Sunday: Rest
Monday: Run 2 miles
Tuesday: AF squadron PT
Wednesday: Strength training
Thursday: Run 4 miles
Friday: Strength training
Saturday: Run 4 miles
10 miles per week (or more)

This is not going to be complicated.  It will simply take commitment and self-motivation.  I’m ready to get going.

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I am Vanilla

Things that have no color, texture, depth, or liveliness are sometimes considered to be “vanilla”.  Vanilla is ‘blah’.  It is unexciting, uninteresting, and anything but noteworthy.  It fades into oblivion in the company of oh, anything else at all.  It is a moot flavor in the presence of even slightly more bold flavors.  It could be argued that vanilla is pretty insignificant in this vibrant world.

But consider vanilla in a different light.  It can awaken the palate, serving as a ground note, even when it’s not discernible in the flavor profile. Vanilla brings other flavors together, moderating stronger flavors.  It is the great harmonizer of flavors.  It can work with just about every type of flavor in the spectrum…sweet, salty, savory. 

Vanilla is adaptable.  It doesn’t take the spotlight, but it supports and shines a light on all of the other flavors.  Vanilla is more noticeable when it is missing.  Vanilla is not perfect or “poor, put upon”, though, so don’t view vanilla as a martyr or an angel.  If cooked too hot for too long, vanilla can get bitter and lose its effectiveness as the great harmonizing ingredient.

So, please appreciate vanilla for its reliable, comforting, cohesive properties, and vanilla will consistently deliver its talents to whatever recipe it is added to…be sure of that!

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Letting the Stallions Run

I had the privilege of working for a leader whose philosophy was, “Let the stallions run, and let everyone else follow them.”  It was a refreshing shocker to me.  I had never before, nor have I since, worked for someone with that amazingly liberating approach to leadership.  This philosophy made ponies want to be stallions.  More than that, he told those in his charge, “If you’re a stallion, stop by my office and introduce yourself.”  It was an invitation to be bold and identify yourself as an individual with a vision, focus, and direction.  This leader’s favorite word was, “Awesome!”  He was southern folk, so imagine how “Aouw-sum!” things were when he was around. 

This kind of leadership inspired the best efforts anyone could hope to contribute.  It got us all through times when things weren’t so awesome because of the hope generated by an approach with the right attitude to challenges that came our way. 

That experience feels a little like Camelot now…the “good ol’ days” that I may never get to live again.  It’s okay, though, because I did get to experience it once.  I can relive it by being the type of leader who lets the stallions run.

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Suck it Up, Buttercup!

The stigma of psychology….stigma, shmigma.  Would you tell someone who finds a lump in their breast that they shouldn’t go to the doctor to get it checked out because they aren’t knocking on death’s door?  Of course not!  Then why would there be a stigma to seeking out a psychologist to learn some ways to manage stress before you feel your life is out of control? 

I hit my burnout breaking point two years ago.  I reached a point where I could not manage any stressful situation in my life.  I was also compounding the stress by creating some of it myself.  I had become paranoid, thinking everyone was out to get me, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t arrive at any solutions to issues I encountered, and began unwittingly sabotaging my own career, health, and relationships.  I had just arrived at my new assignment and within two weeks, succumbed to a major mental meltdown. 

I work at a medical facility, and spend my days among some of the most compassionate and caring people I have ever known.  I began going to Mental Health to gain some practical knowledge on how to get my brain to a healthier state.  It’s like your body.  You aren’t going to even be able to walk to the doorway, much less run around the block with broken legs. 

I learned about how important sleep is and how I can train myself to get to sleep and sleep longer.  I learned about HOW to think about things…there are angles that you should never look at things from.  I learned about breathing.  You would think that people should know how to breathe…I mean, we are all still alive, so we must know how to breathe.  Try this: Close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths.  Don’t tell me that didn’t feel good!  I learned about having a mantra.  When things seem to be getting to be too much and I want to fall back in to my old ways of panic and paranoia, my mantra is “It’s going to be okay.”  That, and some deep breathing, and I’m back.

I now recognize burnout in others, like they are wearing a flashing red sign around their neck.  I see their behavior and am utterly baffled that I spent years of my life dealing with things the way they do.  I have softly suggested they visit Mental Health, if for nothing more than to grab some of their literature.  I often get told, “I just don’t want people knowing that I am going to Mental Health.  People will think I’m ‘unstable’.”  Seriously?  People pretty much know you are unstable…they work with you every day and can see you are seconds away from knocking your computer off your desk, screaming and running out!

So, suck it up, Buttercup!  Get the help you need that is readily available to you.  I did…I do…and it has made all the difference.