I have been an average weight most of my life. It has only been in recent years where I have truly struggled. Chalk it up to the end of military PT tests, the basic stresses of life, and the utter deliciousness of cheesecake and key lime pie. I have made superficial efforts to lose weight, all the while sizing up and up and up on my clothing. I am a mere 5 foot 1 (used to be 5 foot 2, but time has compressed me) and the day I saw over 200 on the scale, I knew we had achieved maximum capacity. I knew that if I didn’t do something significant and right away, I wasn’t going to live long enough to be a burden to my grandchildren like I wanted to.
In January of this year, I had to go get a colonoscopy. Hooray for being over 50! They asked me if I wanted to get scheduled to get a liver scan. I knew that wouldn’t be worse than a colonoscopy so I agreed. The scan indicated that my liver was just about cirrhotic. I had some scaring and a fatty liver. When I discussed the findings with the doctor, he told me that he could refer me to see a bariatric doctor to talk about surgical options for weight loss since it was clear that the condition of my liver (and high blood pressure and inflammation and sleep apnea) was likely a result of my weight.
When I called the bariatric provider’s office, they asked how tall I was and how much I weighed and if I had certain health issues. They asked if I was looking to get the GLP-1 shots or surgery. I had thought a great deal about it and knew that the only thing that would truly work for me would be a permanent physical constraint that would keep me from overeating, so I told them I was looking at getting surgery. Then the strangest thing happened. I was told that I qualify based on the number of weight related health issues I had but that I could NOT lose ANY weight before I would have the surgery to shrink my stomach. You see, my BMI wasn’t high enough to qualify me BUT with the three weight related health issues I had, I could be a slightly lower BMI to qualify. However, I was right there at the low threshold of qualification. I told them, “NO problem!”
In February, I began doing telehealth appointments with a nutritionist once a month for four months so my insurance would pay their share of the procedure. I learned everything about how to eat after the surgery from deciphering food labels to timing and measuring my meals. Then I finally got scheduled for a gastric sleeve surgery mid July. In case you didn’t know, the surgery reduces your stomach to the size of about a 4 inch section of a thin garden hose. I don’t know how much my stomach could hold before, but now it can hold about 4-5 ounces. This means I really can’t eat AND drink water in one sitting. I learned it takes about 5 minutes for water to clear out of your stomach and about 30 minutes for food to clear out and make room for water or whatever you’re drinking.
I have sworn off drinking anything carbonated, anything caffeinated, and eating regular bread. Cottage cheese has become a staple in my diet, and my eyes are always bigger than my stomach. I got what I wanted. I am physically unable to overindulge. On my birthday last month, we went to Olive Garden…no bread sticks and only a few bites of salad, a few spoonfuls of soup, and about a third of my chicken mhargerita. That meal ended up being three meals for me. However, I did get a strawberry creme cake. I thought I would have a bite and let the kids have the rest. I ended up eating about half of it and got so sick. Eating has become more of a “have to” and less of a “want to”. I’m not upset about it, but suffice it to say that my relationship with food has changed.
I have a large bag of clothes in my closet that is 1-2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing at over 200 pounds. I’m pretty sure they would fit now that I have lost over 40 pounds, but I am afraid to open it and try anything on. I am afraid of trying something on and it still be too small, making me feel like I was failing at this weight loss thing. I still haven’t opened the bag. I’m going to wait 5 more pounds before I do.
I have to say that immediately after the surgery, my inflammation was GONE! I had ankles and wrists again! I almost had one chin! My wedding ring fit more comfortably. I think I lost 12 pounds in the first two weeks, and some of that just had to be water weight. I only threw up I think three or four times over the first month. I haven’t since then. We have a two Westie dogs, and the older one, Tillie has a weak stomach. Every time she drinks water too fast, she is yacking it up. Me and Tillie…I feel ya, girl.
Yesterday, I looked in the mirror, and I recognized the woman looking back at me. “There you are!”, I exclaimed. I haven’t seen that lady in a long time. She is a lot older than I remember her being, but she looks happy. She looks like she has the peace of God that passes all understanding. She looks comfortable in her own skin. She isn’t trying to hide behind a veil of make-up or academic achievement. I missed her. She’s got a ways to go, but she is making it to the finish line, one pound at a time.
