Category: Uncategorized

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Keep People in the Light

Change is tough. Change is hard enough when it is a change that you know others have been through before. But when it is like this…this thing we are all making up as we go…this thing that makes us lose track of what day or month it is or when was the last time life was “normal”…change is something we don’t even have a word for. I don’t know about you, but it churns my stomach and makes me feel like I have zero control over anything in my life.

I have been watching the news way more than I used to. I’m probably watching it more than I should. All they show is about COVID19 because it is the center of everyone’s existence right now. This isn’t like anything we have ever experienced as a world society. No one really has answers because we are all trying to figure things out (and making a lot of things up) as we go along.

Perceptions are so evil! They eat away at our imaginations and fill in the gaps between the facts. The greater the distance between facts, the more perceptions can be fabricated and woven throughout the gaps. As a leader who has introverted tendencies, it can be exhausting to be consistently keeping up with information and making sure I pass it along to my team. But what fuels my motivation and energy to make sure I keep people in the light about everything I know as soon as I know it is how much I care about these individuals! That care for their well-being and their livelihood and human value overrides any of my selfish tendencies to close myself off.

I’m not going to lie, some aspects of having to telework are dreamy for introverts. So when I had to begin teleworking a few days ago, I was initially relieved to be able to stay home while I worked. But it didn’t take long before I realized how difficult it was going to be to communicate with my team. I have now become the person left a little in the dark. I am learning very quickly that we all have the ability to shine a little light on information for each other…and we should.

We are living in unprecedented times. Let’s do everything we can to keep each other enlightened to as much truth as possible during this time of uncertainty and keep perceptions from weaving too much of their tapestry into our minds. On the other side of these days, my hope is that we come back together and compare notes…and find out they are pretty darn close.

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We Are All On The Same Team

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

As a military officer, I lead a group of people and other officers (my colleagues) lead other groups of people. We all belong to a larger group and this cycle repeats until you trace our collective all the way up to the President of the United States. Every single one of us must find a way to determine our place in this collective and move the mission forward…because we are all on the same team.
There is likely to be nothing in my lifetime that will prove our “one team, one fight” more than COVID19. As entire families are isolating at home, many of my coworkers and I are still going to work, making sure people can be tested and those who are tested are tracked. Everyone, no matter what their personality type or feelings about each other, has gotten down to business and focused solely on taking care of our patients. And something unexpected has happened as a result…
Our team has become more energized, happier, and morale and spirits are actually higher. I’ve seen crises bring people together, but this is different. What is happening to people is transforming my team. The irony of this is how we have to practice “social distancing”, and it is bringing us closer together in ways we needed all along. When you can’t rely on the typical customs and courtesies of handshakes, fist bumps, and high fives, you strangely begin to lean on the unprecedented alternative of asking each other, “how are you doing?” And not casually in passing, like we used to just a few months ago. You ask, and you really listen. And people really tell you. We are connecting for the first time on a level that humanity should always be connecting.
You know someone, nearby or far away…what does that matter now? Call, text, FaceTime, them, and ask them how they’re doing. And then listen. And connect. It’s the way we can all take this tragic time and restore the human team.

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Feedback

I had my midterm feedback today. The boss said I am terrible at communication. He didn’t really say it like that, but that is what I heard. That is the message that is reverberating in my brain, eating away at my self-esteem. Never mind all of the compliments on my stellar work…he said I was a horrible communicator…who stumbles over my words and looks like I don’t know what I’m talking about. What a total loser! He hopes I am selected for promotion because I deserve to be a Major and he said I am the only flight commander who truly engages with their team and has great team morale…horrible communicator!!

Whew! That was exhausting! But we B types tend to do this on a regular basis, in one form or another, don’t we? We refuse to acknowledge our strengths or give ourselves credit for our accomplishments and distort our weaknesses to crippling proportions. What the boss actually told me about my communication skills is “continue working on brevity when speaking” and “concentrate on fine-tuning your communication skills”. This is an entirely realistic and manageable task when you look at it through a sober lens.

I want to encourage you that when you receive feedback that is less than savory, take the time you need to react to it, and then take action. Reaction is a natural thing. Allow yourself to feel some kind of way about it…but not for too long! Next, take action! Do NOT confuse this with “response”. Response is not action. It is more inaction, more excuses, more reaction. Action is taking the feedback constructively and applying your type B personality magic to it and generating an outcome that not only addresses the concern but exceeds everyone’s imagination of how you could possibly improve things. The greatest part of it all is how little effort it takes a type B leader to do this.

But, I know. Even after all of this, when the glitter settles and the confetti is all swept up, you still won’t feel worthy of congratulating yourself. I have learned a lot of things over the years as a type B leader, but I can’t help you with self-appreciation. We will have to figure that one out together.

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Reboot

I thought I was having a heart attack last Wednesday.  I was sitting in my office, and suddenly had crushing chest pain that radiated up through my throat to my jaw and my left arm was numb and tingling.  It was the scariest experience of my entire life.  I thought I my office was going to be the last thing I saw before the end.  A work up at the hospital did not indicate a heart attack, so they sent me home and told me to take the rest of the week off.  I was told to “rest” and “take it easy”.

Yesterday, I went back to the hospital for shortness of breath.  They did an even more thorough work up to check every aspect and function of my heart.  Finding everything to be in good shape, they sent me home.  I was again sent home with instructions to take the rest of the week off and “rest”.

It has become apparent that I do not know how to “rest” or “take it easy”.  When I was a little girl and would visit my Abuelita, she spoke very little English.  One thing she did say, as we left, is “take it easy!”  I always smiled and waved and laughed a little, thinking how cute my little Grandmother sounded saying those words.  I had no idea what “take it easy” meant then, and I don’t know what it means now!

When I was at home “resting” last week, I had my work computer with me, logging on and trying to keep track of what was going on and delegating work, responding to emails, and ensuring deadlines were tracked and kept.  On top of that, I was doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, and loading the dishwasher.  I slept some…I think, to check the box.  Okay, yes, I have “rested”.  I kept waking up in the middle of the night in a state of mind that I can only describe as angry.  For several minutes, I would flop around like a fish out of water, unable to get comfortable or relax my mind enough to drift back to sleep.

I returned to work on Monday, but I was back in the hospital yesterday for shortness of breath.  They did an even more thorough work up on my heart and determined that everything was good.  They send me home again with instructions to stay home and “rest” for the rest of the week.

Yesterday was a kind of moment for me.  I hollered “TIME OUT!” at myself in my mind.  This was ridiculous!  I had finally had enough of feeling this way and dealing with this frustration.  So, I decided I would stay home from work today and completely boycott work and any thought of work for an entire day!  For all of you workaholics…self-proclaimed or unaware…it IS possible.  IGNORE the work texts, do NOT power up the work computer, do NOT check the work email, and let the work phone calls go to voicemail.  (If you are in the military like I am, recall messages are unique and you know you have to deal with them, but for real, they are not likely going to be sent on your one day!)

I’m doing a one day REBOOT!  When something isn’t working, what do they say?  UNPLUG AND RESTART!!!  It works almost every time!  So why not try it?  It’s one day.  The world will not stop spinning without you at work in one day.  If the place burns down in that one day, well, everyone has new stuff to deal with the next day, including you!

If you try this, let me know how it works for you.  I am literally in the middle of my reboot day right now.  I am sitting on the couch next to my napping puppy, watching my favorite shopping channel.  Yes, I cleaned the kitchen, but there was a sour smell coming from something over there that I couldn’t handle, and I needed to get rid of it! LOL  I have a nap planned and the rest of my time is just whatever.  I give myself permission to start powering back up at 9pm.  I will only bring “uniform prep” and “lunch pack” apps online.  I won’t bring work function apps online until tomorrow morning.

Best of luck to all of you who give this a try with me!

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I Don’t Got This…A Lesson In Resiliency

I recently had to take a PT test.  I have taken a million of them.  Every time I go to bed the night before, I toss and turn.  I have heart palpitations all morning as I am getting ready to go to the test, and I have to pee like 4 times before the test actually begins.  I always pass.  It may not always be pretty or top ten, but it’s always a pass…except this time.  This time, I failed.

When you fail, there are no smiles…no confetti flies…there are no shouts of victory.  It’s like you were sitting in a theatre watching an action/adventure movie and suddenly, all of the lights go out, the screen goes black, and you’re sitting alone in the darkness, and all you can think is, “now what?”

Before the test, everyone told me, “You got this!”  And no, I didn’t.  I did not prepare.  I just hoped for a miracle, I suppose.  Yes, I’m not getting any younger.  My metabolism is slower than molasses, every joint hurts, and I’m broken (bulging discs, brittle bones, nerve damage).  Yeah, I’m full of excuses.

You might be surprised to know that I am not ashamed.  I am not hiding away, shutting myself up in my office like a troll.  I owned my failure.  I announced to everyone in my flight that I did not pass my PT test.  I told them because I want them to see resiliency in action.  I told them because I want them to hold me accountable to pass my retest.  When I told them, I talked about how we all have been in situations with unplanned or unexpected outcomes that knock us down.  Resiliency is when we use what we are made of to move beyond the circumstances.

I’m still going to dry heave before every PT test…probably even more just before this upcoming retest.  I’m still getting older by the minute, and I’m still broken.  Blah, blah, blah, cry me a river, right?  But I am also resilient.  I bounce back.  I told my son if I lose 30 pounds by my birthday in September, he is to buy me a megaphone.  I will then use said megaphone at squadron PT to “inspire” young Airmen to get moving.  So far, I have lost 5 pounds.

I got this! 🙂