I had my midterm feedback today. The boss said I am terrible at communication. He didn’t really say it like that, but that is what I heard. That is the message that is reverberating in my brain, eating away at my self-esteem. Never mind all of the compliments on my stellar work…he said I was a horrible communicator…who stumbles over my words and looks like I don’t know what I’m talking about. What a total loser! He hopes I am selected for promotion because I deserve to be a Major and he said I am the only flight commander who truly engages with their team and has great team morale…horrible communicator!!
Whew! That was exhausting! But we B types tend to do this on a regular basis, in one form or another, don’t we? We refuse to acknowledge our strengths or give ourselves credit for our accomplishments and distort our weaknesses to crippling proportions. What the boss actually told me about my communication skills is “continue working on brevity when speaking” and “concentrate on fine-tuning your communication skills”. This is an entirely realistic and manageable task when you look at it through a sober lens.
I want to encourage you that when you receive feedback that is less than savory, take the time you need to react to it, and then take action. Reaction is a natural thing. Allow yourself to feel some kind of way about it…but not for too long! Next, take action! Do NOT confuse this with “response”. Response is not action. It is more inaction, more excuses, more reaction. Action is taking the feedback constructively and applying your type B personality magic to it and generating an outcome that not only addresses the concern but exceeds everyone’s imagination of how you could possibly improve things. The greatest part of it all is how little effort it takes a type B leader to do this.
But, I know. Even after all of this, when the glitter settles and the confetti is all swept up, you still won’t feel worthy of congratulating yourself. I have learned a lot of things over the years as a type B leader, but I can’t help you with self-appreciation. We will have to figure that one out together.