Two Sides of the Same Coin
Self Care Step 11: Stay Away from Drama and Negativity
I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy abusing my brain completing my doctoral degree. (I’ve got all kinds of things to say about that, but I’ll save it for another time.)
Step 11 of self care is “stay away from drama and negativity”. Here is a short list of things that make it really difficult to remain in the “drama-free” zone:
—coworkers who feel threatened by you
—petty coworkers
—bosses who are younger than you (old enough to be your kids)
—people who demonstrate their inability to drive a vehicle
—teenagers…yours or anyone else’s
—when you can’t find something you desperately need at the store
—when plans fall through
—when someone or something manages to find your last nerve and plays it like a banjo
The older I get, the more things annoy me. And yet, ironically, the older I get, the more I learn to let a lot of things roll off my back and not affect me. Where I get in the most trouble with avoiding drama and negativity is in that pocket of space we affectionately call the “grey area”. I have two teenagers at home. It’s laughable to think I can totally avoid drama! I could probably purchase a new car if I had a nickel for every time we told them to quit arguing. If you think I am about to impart any wisdom on you about avoiding teenage sibling drama, I’ve got nothing for you…you can head back to camp.
One thing I can tell you is that in the interest of self care, if you cannot steer clear of drama and negativity, you can still navigate it with poise. Try these:
—Refrain from contributing. Ensure you aren’t investing in the drama.
—Trump the drama with an amazing announcement. With all of the enthusiasm you can muster, announce some exciting news. Even if you don’t have truly exciting news, announce something…anything…as if it were super exciting. “Hey, guess what? We are having spaghetti tonight! Can you believe it?!”
—For a few moments, take a mental vacation from the moment. Go somewhere comfy and beautiful. When you come back to reality, be mindful of how the drama and negativity only have the value and impact you assign to them.
—Don’t dwell on the drama and negativity…ever. It only festers the infection and makes it more difficult to let it go.
—Physically remove yourself from the drama, if you can. Trust your instincts on this.
—Inject some victory juice into the situation and replace the negativity with some positivity.
If you are the source of the drama and/or negativity, cut it out! If you are a part of the problem (or the entire problem), conceive of how you can be a part of the solution! It may be as simple as getting over it. Once you set yourself right, make your amends and be sure to forgive yourself, too. Life is far too short to allow it to be overtaken by emotional vampires!
Sometimes You Just Can’t Win
Sometimes, in spite of all of your amazing feats of resiliency after getting knocked in the dirt, you don’t get to carry home the Comeback Kid trophy. Sometimes, you just can’t win.
I want to be sure to give myself plenty of credit. I have won many days and many battles. I have been knocked in the dirt, kicked when I was down, and spat in the face. I have picked myself up and continued to move forward. I survived, then I thrived. I helped others out of pits. I taught others how to thrive. I brought teams together and helped connect military healthcare with community partners and Veterans Affairs.
I had a good run, and I have no regrets. I am proud of myself and my service. There are some things I am looking forward to once I become a civilian again:
- Being able to wear colorful fingernail polish
- Being able to wear my hair in any configuration I want
- Being able to carry any color backpack
- Being able to wear any color and style earrings I want
- Being able to talk politics at work
- Being able to invite people at work to church
- Calling people by their first name
- Saying “yeah” or “okay” in place of “yes, sir/ma’am”
- Not being on a recall roster, deployment team, or response team
- Getting to take vacation and go wherever I want and not have to take leave on weekend days
- No PT test for “job security”
- Not having to wear a hat outside unless I want to
- Being able to use one of those clear umbrellas that you can see through so you can keep it low down to you
- No more “additional duties”
My military career is drawing to a close, but my life is taking off! I am far from finished helping teams do amazing things and teaching people to lead with excellence. I am still writing my book. I have worked as a civilian before, and as I return to civilian life, I bring with me the sum of my experiences. I am a survivor. I am a leader. I will thrive and lift others to higher heights because it matters. I am FAR from finished.
Sometimes, you think you’ve lost when it is not even close to over. Take a deep breath. Keep getting back up when you’re knocked down. Breathe. Accept the moment as is. Breathe. Talk to God and then LISTEN. Breathe. Start to gather yourself and build a game plan. Cry a little (or a lot) if you need to. Another nice, deep, cleansing breath, my friend…and then start to move. Move forward…it’s going to work out. We will win. Winning might not look like we imagined it would, but it will still be amazing!