Two Sides of the Same Coin
Kindness Matters
When I was a little girl, my favorite super hero was Wonder Woman (the Linda Carter version). I had long, dark hair like hers and just knew I could become Wonder Woman if I twirled fast enough…once I was allowed to wear a strapless outfit. I think what appealed to me most about her was how she only fought when it was absolutely necessary and her super powers were not aggressive in nature. I consider myself to be a Wonder Woman today. I often wonder where I put something or what meeting I’m supposed to be at.
What traits lead to good leadership? What are the super powers of leaders? When asked this question, people might say “strength” or “grit” or “toughness” or “determination”. What about “kindness”? Kindness doesn’t usually make the list. Kindness is more often associated with weakness or softness. I want to submit to you today that kindness IS an element of strong leadership, and intentional kindness is an element of even stronger leadership.
Kindness is being friendly, generous, or considerate without the expectation of receiving something in return. It demonstrates that you care about your fellow human. INTENTIONAL kindness demonstrates not only that you are seeing to it that someone is cared for, but that you genuinely care ABOUT them (their well-being, their success, their value).
Mark Twain said, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Kindness helps people to feel visible. Kindness is calming and healing. It has been scientifically proven to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, increase self-esteem, improve mood…for both the giver AND the recipient!
Kindness invites TRUST. This is a priceless relational element for a leader to create synergy with their team. Kindness affords a leader the ability to keep the communication doors open so both leader and follower can gain understanding and exercise empathy as kindness inspires kindness.
It’s not just a tag line: Kindness really does matter. It is significant, and a leader should be committed to intentional acts of kindness.
Keep People in the Light
Change is tough. Change is hard enough when it is a change that you know others have been through before. But when it is like this…this thing we are all making up as we go…this thing that makes us lose track of what day or month it is or when was the last time life was “normal”…change is something we don’t even have a word for. I don’t know about you, but it churns my stomach and makes me feel like I have zero control over anything in my life.
I have been watching the news way more than I used to. I’m probably watching it more than I should. All they show is about COVID19 because it is the center of everyone’s existence right now. This isn’t like anything we have ever experienced as a world society. No one really has answers because we are all trying to figure things out (and making a lot of things up) as we go along.
Perceptions are so evil! They eat away at our imaginations and fill in the gaps between the facts. The greater the distance between facts, the more perceptions can be fabricated and woven throughout the gaps. As a leader who has introverted tendencies, it can be exhausting to be consistently keeping up with information and making sure I pass it along to my team. But what fuels my motivation and energy to make sure I keep people in the light about everything I know as soon as I know it is how much I care about these individuals! That care for their well-being and their livelihood and human value overrides any of my selfish tendencies to close myself off.
I’m not going to lie, some aspects of having to telework are dreamy for introverts. So when I had to begin teleworking a few days ago, I was initially relieved to be able to stay home while I worked. But it didn’t take long before I realized how difficult it was going to be to communicate with my team. I have now become the person left a little in the dark. I am learning very quickly that we all have the ability to shine a little light on information for each other…and we should.
We are living in unprecedented times. Let’s do everything we can to keep each other enlightened to as much truth as possible during this time of uncertainty and keep perceptions from weaving too much of their tapestry into our minds. On the other side of these days, my hope is that we come back together and compare notes…and find out they are pretty darn close.
Feedback
I had my midterm feedback today. The boss said I am terrible at communication. He didn’t really say it like that, but that is what I heard. That is the message that is reverberating in my brain, eating away at my self-esteem. Never mind all of the compliments on my stellar work…he said I was a horrible communicator…who stumbles over my words and looks like I don’t know what I’m talking about. What a total loser! He hopes I am selected for promotion because I deserve to be a Major and he said I am the only flight commander who truly engages with their team and has great team morale…horrible communicator!!
Whew! That was exhausting! But we B types tend to do this on a regular basis, in one form or another, don’t we? We refuse to acknowledge our strengths or give ourselves credit for our accomplishments and distort our weaknesses to crippling proportions. What the boss actually told me about my communication skills is “continue working on brevity when speaking” and “concentrate on fine-tuning your communication skills”. This is an entirely realistic and manageable task when you look at it through a sober lens.
I want to encourage you that when you receive feedback that is less than savory, take the time you need to react to it, and then take action. Reaction is a natural thing. Allow yourself to feel some kind of way about it…but not for too long! Next, take action! Do NOT confuse this with “response”. Response is not action. It is more inaction, more excuses, more reaction. Action is taking the feedback constructively and applying your type B personality magic to it and generating an outcome that not only addresses the concern but exceeds everyone’s imagination of how you could possibly improve things. The greatest part of it all is how little effort it takes a type B leader to do this.
But, I know. Even after all of this, when the glitter settles and the confetti is all swept up, you still won’t feel worthy of congratulating yourself. I have learned a lot of things over the years as a type B leader, but I can’t help you with self-appreciation. We will have to figure that one out together.