Today is an important day in my life. Today is my final day ever as a uniformed military member. After 28 years, I am officially folding up the uniform, boxing it up, and storing it away, not in the back of the closet, but up in the attic, never to be worn again.
I have grown accustomed to putting the uniform in the back of the closet, knowing deep down inside that I would be pulling it back out to wear again. And I have. Three different times, I have reentered service after being honorably discharged. I have been active duty enlisted, Air National Guard enlisted, contracted civilian, active duty enlisted again, active duty officer, and I am now getting ready to take on a new role of service as a civil servant. In between, I have earned three college degrees and worked four different civilian jobs (not affiliated with the military). But the military is the bulk of my adult working life. The military culture has been my lifeline over the years and the moves and the adjustments through America’s changes. I would be remiss if I did not admit how vital my new civil servant position is to keeping me connected to that culture.
I am a Christian, and I believe the Lord sustains me as I pass through the onslaught of emotions and mental anguish involved in the finality of this last day of my military service. It is not easy, still, to separate my identity from that service. When I arrive at work next month to the same clinic I was working at as a Captain in uniform, I’m going to feel underdressed, no matter what I choose to wear…at least for a few days. Even though I was an officer for nearly a decade, I never did get used to being called “Ma’am”, or even “Capt Bird”, but it will still be strange for a while to hear people calling me by my first name.
I have an amazing family. At the helm of my amazing family is my best good buddy, my husband. God sent him to me to help me keep my sanity on pinnacle days like today. Whenever I feel like the oxygen left the room and my chest is being crushed by the stress of the reality of the situation, I can lean on him and be reminded that my life’s worth is not derived from any job I have worked but what I mean to my family and as a child of God.
So, life goes on after the military. I turn the page and begin writing a brand new chapter. This new chapter is going to be full of color (clothes, jewelry, and handbags!), a fresh, new degree (hello Dr Bird!), and a fully involved community member. It will have new adventures and new perspectives. It will still have God and family and friends. I know I’m going to make it.